From 30 pages before the end of Americanah, up to right now, one question has stuck with me specifically about Obinze and Ifemelu’s journey at the end of this novel: Did Ifemelu ever have a simple realization that her actions mirrored those of her Aunty Uju heavily through why they entered their relationships and their partner's circumstances?
As I was reading the final chapters of the novel, I expected that Obinze and Ifemelu would engage in a relationship; however, I ultimately thought it would not work out as Obinze’s family “…hung above them, unspoken, unprobed…” (554) and that Obinze would not walk out on his three-year-old daughter. Yet, as the book reached its conclusion, Ifemelu suddenly begins to act increasingly brash and rude towards Obinze. On page 558, she began to chastise him for taking risks and not spending enough time with her because he already had a family. This exact same scenario came about with Aunty Uju earlier in the novel when she was complaining while yelling at the General for missing time with her for family and business matters. (100) On page 100, Ifemelu remarked on the whole situation; she “… felt older than Aunty Uju, wiser and stronger … she wished that she could wrest Aunty Uju away, shake her into her clear eyed self…”
While Uju was in that relationship for money rather than a sort of love, as expressed on page 95, Ifemelu was seemingly still forgetting all that she had observed from Uju. She was going forward with a married man while not understanding his needs as much as her own. Uju complained about the General having to go off on work trips and Ifemelu kicked Obinze out of her house because he needed to spend time with his family and consider the effects that leaving his wife and three-year-old child would have on them. It was brought up in class that loving another person means caring for them as much as, if not more than, yourself; and, from the way Ifemelu lashes at Obinze on page 558, it seems clear that she needs him to fill a hole left in her life rather than share in that life with him. Obinze had been a meaningful part of her life for a while, but she pushed him away, only to come back to him as soon as she was ready regardless of whether he was. Ifemelu needed a consuming relationship from Obinze, just as Uju needed the money and gifts from the General. Yet, the only time Ifemelu thinks of Uju’s relationship after she returns to Nigeria is in reference to Ranyinudo’s relationship. (521)
The way in which Obinze is treated and the lack of self-clarity in the matter only reinforces the notion that Ifemelu did not want to be with Obinze for the right reasons. She thought that this relationship would make her happy, seemingly forgetting what Aunty Uju told her, “I would not even advise you to do what I’m doing.” (95)
Based off of the question about if Ifemelu ever had a simple realization that her actions mirrored those of her Aunty Uju with regards to their relationships and partners, I would say no. Ifemelu is constantly judging her Aunty Uju for her relationship choices, specifically, using the relationship for material gains. Uju desires money and gifts from her relationships, as seen with the General. However, Ifemelu feels as if her relationships are more authentic and not based on wealth. In reality, if we dissect all of Ifemelu's relationships (Curt, Blaine, Obinze, Tennis Coach), we observe that she has utilized relationships for other reasons, not for love. While I believe that Ifemelu never comes to the realization that she mirrors Aunty Uju, with regards to the central question of this post, she does mimic Uju in ways. Uju is always overly dependent on her relationships and this can be seen with Ifemelu and Curt. Ifemelu counts on Curt for the job and for the green card. With the Tennis Coach, Ifemelu did not want to have any sort of relationship, but needed the money from it. These are both similar to Uju. However, maybe a reason that Ifemelu hasn’t had the simple realization is because of her relationship with Obinze. I agree in the sense that her relationship with Obinze was more fulfilling and based off of true feelings for each other, unlike all of Aunty Uju’s relationships. I do agree, based on the quotations, that Ifemelu was with Obinze for not all of the right reasons, but this relationship was definitely more real and based off of feelings than any of aunty Uju’s.
ReplyDeleteThe comparing and contrasting of Ifemelu’s relationship with Obinze, with Aunty Uju’s relationship with the General definitely makes Ifemelu out to be a hypocrite when it comes to love. As Carsyn said in the “The Heart of the Matter” blog post, it is unfair for Ifemelu to constantly criticize Uju’s reliance on men for a better life, when she is doing the exact same thing. Justifying her reliance as luck does not make it right for her to insert herself back into Obinze’s life after completely shutting him out for years. He moved on, created a life for himself, and started a family, yet it seems that Ifemelu never really moved on herself. While Aunty Uju pursued men for financial support and materialistic desires, Ifemelu and Obinze did originally base their relationship off of selfless love and mutual understanding. When they reunite years later, however, the dynamic is undoubtedly shifted. There is, as Nick said, a hole in Ifemelu’s life that she is trying to use Obinze to fill – and that’s not what love is. All the while, in addition to her criticisms of Uju, Ifemelu makes regular jabs at her friend Ranyinudo, “for whom men existed only as sources of things” (488). And their friend Priye even states, “The first rule of life in this Lagos. You do not marry the man you love. You marry the man who can best maintain you” (492). At the time that Priye said this, Ifemelu disagreed and acted all high and mighty among her ‘gold-digging’ friends; yet when she reconnects with Obinze, she becomes a gold-digger herself – not digging for money/material gains, obviously, but digging for a selfish, all-consuming relationship with the man she has been dragging along for years.
ReplyDeleteI see how Ifemelu’s behavior mirrors Uju’s and agree that she is only able to initiate a happy relationship with Obinze when she is ready. However, I think saying she only “[came] back to him as soon as she was ready regardless of whether he was” is an incomplete description of their relationship. Both of them attempted to reignite their relationship before either was ready, because their readiness is tied to their comfort with their own identities. Ifemelu’s identity crisis peaks after her experience with the tennis coach: she is “lost in a viscous haze...it had slipped from her memory, the ability to care” (192), and this is correspondingly when she can’t stand to be with Obinze. She begins a slow recovery, but it is not until after their fight on page 558 that she realizes she has, “finally, spun herself fully into being” (586). Obinze has not solved his identity crisis either when he reunites with Ifemelu, his crisis being his wealthy, married life and the uncertainty as to “whether he liked his life because he really did or...because he was supposed to” (26). Their fight on page 558 is because Ifemelu knows that Obinze is confused about what he should do; she thinks he is “hiding behind watery words” (558), and even he later admits that “he did not know what he would say” to Ifemelu (560), and can’t imagine how to tell Kosi he wants a divorce—“What would he say?” (569). Only after he moves out and makes a plan to stay present in his daughter’s life (588) is he ready for a relationship with Ifemelu, because he has taken firm steps towards returning to who he was before his identity crisis.
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