Ifemelu maintained an outwardly
strong composure and attitude throughout the novel. She was an adamant
feminist, spoke out against America’s deeply-ingrained racism on her blog, and
told people the honest, sometimes hard to hear truth. Her thoughts, however, revealed
a woman with many deep-rooted insecurities that went as far back as primary
school. Each insecurity followed her and intensified during times of hardship.
The insecurities never went away, they merely became more subtle and benign
when life was less demanding. Americanah delved into the life of a woman who
felt disconnected with the world and with herself. She spent years searching
for somewhere she could belong without knowing it was within her reach.
While in upper-level grade school,
she felt different from the rest of her classmates and described it as feeling “sheathed
in a haze of difference” (pg. 80). She was below her friends in terms of
economic status, and felt far away from them when they talked about
international affairs and going abroad. Ifemelu did not behave as a girl in
Nigeria was supposed to, either, and disagreed with being agreeable. On page
63, she admitted to not liking Sister Igbo because women like her denied the
truth and sacrificed opinion for obedience and pleasantries. She was naturally
inclined towards rebellion, however, she only felt mildly disconnected from the
rest of the world. Feeling different seeped into her life later on when she
went to college, and “her joy would become a restless thing, flapping its wings
inside her, as though looking for an opening to fly away” (pg 76).
Once in America, her insecurities
intensified. She was immediately aware of how different she was from everyone
else. She was an outsider looking in,
and described it as if “The world was wrapped in gauze; she could see the
shapes of things but not clearly enough, never enough” (pg 160). Her
experiences with employers and college advisors were not pleasant, either, as
she had to deal with prejudice and condescension from many of them. On page
164, Ifemelu “shrank like a dried leaf” when an advisor assumed she understood
very little English. Around page 193, she became extremely depressed after
feeling belittled for so long. Racism became less peculiar and more personal
after her years in undergraduate school.
Ifemelu had an idea of a perfect woman
and perfect version of herself, but she could never live up to it. She felt
uncomfortable and hypocritical, as if there “was cement in her soul” (pg 7). She
cheated on Curt on page 355, and she did not go to Blaine’s protest on page 428
because she didn’t want to. She constantly criticized Aunty Uju because she relied
on men for a better life, yet when Ifemelu also came to rely on men she justified
her reliance as luck. After her fight and eventual breakup with Blaine, “Nigeria
became where she was supposed to be, the only place she could sink her roots in
without the constant urge to tug them out and shake out the soil” (pg 7). She
had realized that it was less about where she was and more about how
comfortable and sure she felt with herself that ultimately determined where she
belonged.
I would agree with your argument, but raise the problem of repatriation. When Ifemelu returns to Nigeria, aspect after aspect of her old life set her off-kilter. She struggles with the humidity on page 475, as soon as she gets off the plane in Lagos an with the conservatism of women's expected dress on page 478. On the same day she returns, she already feels "grateful that she [has] a blue American passport" (Adichie 481). You claim "she has ultimately determined where she belongs," and I don't disagree, as this was her determination after years in the U.S., but I do think it is an oversimplification. Ifemelu still struggles with her return home, and the effects the U.S. has made on her only fade, but do not disappear in Part 7 of the novel. She grapples with professional life in Nigeria when she is invited to her new boss' home for their first formal meeting and even goes as far as to imagine how she would run the same magazine differently - in a more American fashion (Adichie 483). Even though she becomes more acclimated to the Nigerian society of the moment, she is permanently changed by her experiences in the United States. Her repatriation is far from simple and easy - it is a complicated merge of her old insecurities, as you discussed, and her new ones.
ReplyDeleteI think you raise an excellent point in your concluding sentence, a thought that I had not yet considered. It is interesting to think that she believed she belonged in a place simply because it was a place that made her feel more comfortable without constant attack from insecurities. Back in Nigeria during her childhood it seems that her differences, such as her outspokenness, almost set her apart in a good way, as they attract the likes of Obinze (73), but as she gets older, they seem to grow into sources of problematic insecurities, such as the role her hair played in the rise of doubt in her relationship with Curt (263). However, what I think is most interesting is that her return to Nigeria, in some ways, does not seem to be a place in which she can feel entirely herself and comfortable, at least in the beginning, as she makes several “American-like” comments that again set her apart from the people around her and bring about a feeling of discomfort. Ultimately, it seems Ifemelu becomes more comfortable and satisfied with both the place, and therefore herself, as time passes. She even remarks that she had “finally spun herself fully into being” after being home, being able to write her blog, and rediscovering Lagos (586). Her blog, to an extent, shows her re-introduction into Nigerian society through some of her posts since she is comfortably able to comment on things like “the tendency of Nigerian women to give advice … the waterlogged neighborhood crammed with zinc houses … and of the young women who lived there …” (585). However, it seems that when she moves back to Nigeria and reunites with Obinze, he becomes a major, and perhaps even excessive, source of comfort to her as they spend lots of time with one another. Numerous times Ifemelu mentions how she “wondered what Obinze would think” of her blog posts or if he would agree with her ideas, as if his opinion alone places value upon her blog (583). In the end, I am left to wonder if her comfortableness in Nigeria is superficial and temporary, a false feeling that is only brought about by her reunification and ever-so-prominent infatuation with Obinze (rather than by her return home and blog), and if so, where does she feel she belongs by the end of the novel; with Obinze or simply being back home?
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